… I was reading this study that subs are often devastated, completely broken and crushed, if their relationship with a Master goes bad. It’s a big problem…. What does… Code d’ Ode do about this sort of emotional devastation that can happen?
This is an important issue. Like physical abuse, emotional trauma is a problem that people in the "scene" rarely acknowledge. Female submissives are, by nature, emotionally timid. Odalisque slavery is intense. For women who are soft and fragile it can be dangerous territory. If it goes bad, she can be hurt.
Code d’ Ode is non-violent and it provides a safe non-sado-masochistic environment for slave play, but emotional trauma can be more painful and debilitating than physical damage. Emotional scars can last just as long as physical ones. And an odalisque – as a submissive female – is inherently vulnerable. We have heard of, and seen, cases where a femsub has been left distraught and damaged by the sudden or embittered end of a Dom/sub relationship. Submission implies trust. A sub can be shaken to the core when they feel their trust has been betrayed. Everyone who is involved in Code d’ Odalisque in any capacity – Slavekeepers, Trainers, others – should be very aware of this. Odalisques, though slaves, are very special and precious creatures. The first priority of players must always be the safety, welfare and well-being of odalisques. Be gentle with odalisques. To break an odalisque’s heart or to crush her spirit is as destructive as beating her up.
Unfortunately, people can be fickle and life can be cruel. We encountered a case recently where a gentleman had taken an odalisque. She had moved in and was settled into a Master/slave lifestyle. But suddenly, without warning, he announced that he had “changed his mind” and “wanted to get serious with life” and was looking for a wife and family, not an odalisque after all. Moreover, he was already courting a wife-to-be. The odalisque had to move out and her life was thrown into turmoil. She was left very upset, very hurt.
Slavekeepers, being mere men, can be unreliable. This sort of thing can happen too readily, but such are the exigencies of life. Not all relationships work. Many don’t. When they don’t, people get hurt.
The Code itself includes several features that help to provide some protection from such cruelties:
For a start, in Code d’ Ode ‘Man is her master but cock is her god.’ The slave is not encouraged to become excessively focused upon the personality of the Slavekeeper. In many Master/slave relationships the dom male presents himself as a God and the sub fem is completely absorbed in "His" personality. This is not the case in Code d’ Ode. Instead, the slave is cock focused. She obeys her Master but it is cock – not him – that she loves. An odalisque is a servant. She is not expected to fall in love with the man she serves. This means that there is more distance between Master and slave in odalisque slavery. Her very life doesn’t hang on his favor. He is not a god to her. Accordingly, she will be less shattered if he turns out to be a creep.
Second, an odalisque may have an Overmistress who is independent of her Keeper. The Overmistress is an advisor, usually an older woman. She provides, in effect, an extra layer of security for an odalisque. If things go bad with her Keeper an odalisque can turn her Overmistress. The Overmistress also helps the slave to keep perspective and not to fall into delusions. She is a voice of sanity, stability and reason. Her job is to help the odalisque serve her Master and thrive in doing so. She looks out for the slave’s well-being. An Overmistress – an older woman, a confidente – is at least some protection from the force of emotionally shattering eventualities.
And, third, the whole structure of the Code, with its protocols and formalities, acts as a matrix for serious, suitable players. Casual arrangements tend to fall apart and disappoint. Casual arrangements tend to be cheap and nasty. If a Master and an odalisque are serious they will adopt the Code – the rules, contracts, ensure a degree of formality that drives away casual and unreliable people. Lots of men, we know, react to Code d’ Odalisque by saying, “I can’t be bothered with all that. I just want to get my dick sucked by a cockslave!” That’s not going to be a reliable man. If a woman seeks a reliable man who is serious about keeping her as an odalisque then she should look for men who will play within the framework and formalities of the Code. The Code itself filters out many idiots and fools. Instead – so we hope – it encourages and attracts gentlemen and men of honor. This is preventative. We avoid scenes of upheaval and emotional trauma by cultivating an atmosphere of civility and etiquette among civilized, reliable people.
We fully appreciate the fact that the BDSM community generally has more than its share of weirdos and highly-strung individuals. It is always going to be hard for an odalisque to find a suitable Keeper. Suitable Keepers are in short supply. A woman should therefore protect herself from emotional hurt. She should know her own limitations and weaknesses. Relationships will fail. Many Master/slave arrangements fall short of expectations. Beautiful dreams come crashing down. It is always best to stay realistic. Crushing disappointments are usually the result of over-blown expectations. Code d’ Ode is a fantasy and is built upon and around sexual fantasy, but everyone should be realistic about the fickle and complex nature of people and relationships.
For a start, in Code d’ Ode ‘Man is her master but cock is her god.’ The slave is not encouraged to become excessively focused upon the personality of the Slavekeeper. In many Master/slave relationships the dom male presents himself as a God and the sub fem is completely absorbed in "His" personality. This is not the case in Code d’ Ode. Instead, the slave is cock focused. She obeys her Master but it is cock – not him – that she loves. An odalisque is a servant. She is not expected to fall in love with the man she serves. This means that there is more distance between Master and slave in odalisque slavery. Her very life doesn’t hang on his favor. He is not a god to her. Accordingly, she will be less shattered if he turns out to be a creep.
Second, an odalisque may have an Overmistress who is independent of her Keeper. The Overmistress is an advisor, usually an older woman. She provides, in effect, an extra layer of security for an odalisque. If things go bad with her Keeper an odalisque can turn her Overmistress. The Overmistress also helps the slave to keep perspective and not to fall into delusions. She is a voice of sanity, stability and reason. Her job is to help the odalisque serve her Master and thrive in doing so. She looks out for the slave’s well-being. An Overmistress – an older woman, a confidente – is at least some protection from the force of emotionally shattering eventualities.
And, third, the whole structure of the Code, with its protocols and formalities, acts as a matrix for serious, suitable players. Casual arrangements tend to fall apart and disappoint. Casual arrangements tend to be cheap and nasty. If a Master and an odalisque are serious they will adopt the Code – the rules, contracts, ensure a degree of formality that drives away casual and unreliable people. Lots of men, we know, react to Code d’ Odalisque by saying, “I can’t be bothered with all that. I just want to get my dick sucked by a cockslave!” That’s not going to be a reliable man. If a woman seeks a reliable man who is serious about keeping her as an odalisque then she should look for men who will play within the framework and formalities of the Code. The Code itself filters out many idiots and fools. Instead – so we hope – it encourages and attracts gentlemen and men of honor. This is preventative. We avoid scenes of upheaval and emotional trauma by cultivating an atmosphere of civility and etiquette among civilized, reliable people.
We fully appreciate the fact that the BDSM community generally has more than its share of weirdos and highly-strung individuals. It is always going to be hard for an odalisque to find a suitable Keeper. Suitable Keepers are in short supply. A woman should therefore protect herself from emotional hurt. She should know her own limitations and weaknesses. Relationships will fail. Many Master/slave arrangements fall short of expectations. Beautiful dreams come crashing down. It is always best to stay realistic. Crushing disappointments are usually the result of over-blown expectations. Code d’ Ode is a fantasy and is built upon and around sexual fantasy, but everyone should be realistic about the fickle and complex nature of people and relationships.
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